


A Careless Try for a Suicide Note

by allylikethecat



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Gen, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 02:15:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8427001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allylikethecat/pseuds/allylikethecat
Summary: Tyler had gone looking for answers but instead he found an escape in the form of an oncoming train.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of these characters/people, nothing that happens in this is real, it’s all fake. 
> 
> Title From "Speeding Cars" by Deaf Havana 
> 
> I'm sorry this is so dark and sad, I wrote it last night on my phone when I was drunk and sad. 
> 
> Warnings:   
> Major character death, suicide 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I'm sorry it's such a downer!

Tyler didn’t slow down. His foot was a lead block weighing down the gas peddle. He was vaguely aware of the speedometer inching upwards. He took a corner hard, letting the tires hug the curve of the road. How fast would he need to go to flip the car? He wondered what would happen if he did. 

He saw the flash of red lights, and the red and white reflective arm lower blocking the road. Tyler didn’t slow down. He bit his lip, he pressed on the gas. The engine growled, picking up speed it normally wasn’t allowed, desperately clinging to the uneven road. 

Tyler didn’t get behind the wheel with any destination in mind. He thought maybe he would find the answers to all his questions and concerns on a rural back road. Tyler didn’t slow down. He didn’t even try to stop. Tyler had gone looking for answers but instead he found an escape in the form of an oncoming train. 

***

Jamie blamed himself. He didn’t drive Tyler’s car into an oncoming train. But he should have been there. He should have listened; he should have asked if Tyler was okay. There were so many moments so many pieces that should have clicked together finishing the puzzle. Instead he was met with a blood stained quilt, noticing the design once it was too late. 

Tyler didn’t leave a note. They say that he didn’t plan it. He saw an opportunity and he took it. Tyler had always been impulsive. He wasn’t drunk or high. His tox-screen came back perfectly clear. He hadn’t even tried to stop. There was no hesitation. 

Tyler always used to say things. He would joke about death so casually. He would smile and say there were worst things. He had days were he would joke about wanting to drink a gallon of bleach. He would tease, saying he wondered what would happen if he took all of his painkillers at once, maybe chased them with liquor. 

Gallows humor hid sad eyes. His mother explained that he had a history of depression. His tox-screen came back perfectly clean. He was supposed to be on Prozac. Jamie didn’t know he was supposed to be on medication, let alone when or why he had stopped. 

Jamie tried to remember if Tyler’s eyes had always looked sad behind his smile.

He remembered one night, they were drunk, Tyler a warm weight pressing against his side as they watched cars drive by. 

“Ever wanna just like step out in front of a car? Or the subway?” Tyler slurred. “Like I’m not gonna, but have you ever wondered what would happen if you did? Like I could but I’m not gonna.” Jamie had just giggled and pressed his face into the crook of Tyler’s neck. Tyler always said weird shit when he was drunk. 

Last home game of the regular season they had a memorial for Tyler. They all wore a patch with his number; all proceeds from the game were to go to Seguin’s Stars. They announced that they were going to retire his jersey at the start of the next season. Jamie had to leave the ice early, tears clinging to his lashes. 

Jamie blamed himself. He should have said something, he should have noticed. All of the clues were there and now Tyler wasn’t.


End file.
